Baby Blues

The American Pregnancy Association defines as mood swings making a woman weepy and irritable, which are least severe form of postpartum depression. It affects about 70-80% of the women worldwide.

It all started great. We planned our pregnancy to the last minute detail. We conceived immediately and the 9 months were heaven. I was pampered and treated like a queen. I misused the privilege completely I confess.

It wasn’t everyday, I was offered breakfast in bed with chocolates by the hubby. 😉

A few minor hitches and bumps aside, the pregnancy flew by and the delivery day came along. I was blessed with a perfectly beautiful baby girl. It was a long labor eventually ending in a forceps delivery and a long recovery period.

I and the baby moved in from the hospital to my parent’s place. I was still being looked after and the baby was under my mother’s care. Three months flew by and I was having fun being a mother. We had our baby’s naming ceremony in her 3rd month and then it was finally time for me to return to my own home.

I was really excited. I wanted to do the mommy thing now. I was ready. I had decided to quit my full time job and be a full time mom. All my time now was for my baby, 24/7. But I realised as soon as my first day alone with the little one was going on. Infants did little. They pooped, they ate, they slept and stayed awake for very little time to play.

I had a lot of spare time. I cooked, I cleaned and I still had time. I called a lot of people but as is during weekdays most of the people in my contact book were at work. TV and Internet Surfing gets boring after a while.

So for a week, I cried when the baby slept. I felt neglected. I felt my husband was being unfair to spend 8 hours at work. I was swimming in self-pity. But I switched personalities the moment I would hear my baby move. I’d become bubbly and happy and break into a nursery rhyme. I’d feed, burp, clean, play and put her back to sleep in a very jolly way.

I didnt want her to sleep. Because then I felt like crying. Once I faked a stomachache to get my mother over for a couple of days. The days she stayed with us , I was normal and loved my life. I just needed someone else in the house. When my husband stayed at home, during weekends, I was happy, normal. I hated living alone. I felt it was a huge responsibility to be taking care of the infant alone. I had no experience, no training and no formal education for it.

I needed a little more time to get used to things. From 10 years, I was always surrounded with people all the time. I knew what I was doing. I was educated and trained for 5 years for that. I had a schedule. I had an agenda. I had tonnes of meetings and no time to even think. I couldn’t switch from that to being alone. I know, I had my daughter with me but I needed some adult conversations for sometime in between all the baby talk.

After sometime, even the self-pity ends. It was hard to stay depressed with a baby around. She is the most happiest baby I have ever seen. She loves to smile and that’s contagious.

I hadn’t prepared for this and I guess I couldn’t be prepared. It was something to be learnt. So I decided to move close to my parents place and to an apartment complex with kids and a garden nearby.

I did just that. And next I created a schedule. I divided my day in hours. I knew what I’ll be doing each hour. I joined a distance education program and became an active blogger. I needed my brain to be occupied each second. I was. I am afraid a little bit more than I can actually do. But its fine. I am loving it.

In retrospect, I looked into my experience and term it Baby Blues. I didn’t know then. I didn’t consult anyone. I didn’t confide into anyone. I took things into my own hand and came out happier.

I didn’t do good to myself and my daughter by not telling anyone . But I came out Okay. Thank God for that. But it may not happen with everyone. Sometimes the Baby Blues turn into a much more serious Postpartum Depression.

I don’t have any advice on what should be done. I didn’t even know. I just wanted to share my experience  because I feel it might help. All I can say is, tell your loved ones.

I am not shameful of my depression. I am just a human being. I gave in to the tumultuous changes that happened so quickly around me. I am also proud of myself to be able to not affect my baby’s life. She is having a happy childhood. Touchwood.

An erstwhile Quality Analyst, Sirisha Achanta gladly chucked off to become a full time mommy to an adorable 2 year old and a part time wannabe-writer 🙂 She loves to dance, dream and read a lot!